WHEN I lost my mother 21 years ago, I did not anticipate that the hurt would pierce deeper as the days passed without her. To realize not seeing your dearest loved one, who brought you out in this world, the one who unconditionally nourished and nurtured you, even in your unlovable moments, all together with the thought of not being able to kiss her, see her affectionate smile, hug her tight, experience her comforting loving caresses, smell her sweet scent, not to hear her soothing soft voice, brings an indescribable excruciating pain that you’d wish it was just a bad dream.
Losing someone that you love can be overwhelming. How do you deal with the grief from a loss? The only way to deal with grief is to go through the process. There is no shortcut to it, no timetable to follow, a specific style to thread, a right or wrong method, for everyone’s grieving function is different.
You can superficially forget by diverting your attention to another subject, like going out with friends, watching movies, exercise, travel, which helps for a while, but then, you will come to realize that the sensation is still there. How come? Because the memory of the agony is embedded in the cells of the seat of your heart — affecting your mind and disrupting your physical health. In other words, you cannot escape it, for wherever you go and whatever you do, you carry it along with you. But this is normal. Do not get alarmed. Go with your own momentum, it might take time, but continue to flow to the direction of healing.
We are all unique human beings in many ways – our perception on things or events, adaptation skills, culture, beliefs, to name a few. Some can cope faster with changes while some take time. Why? There is no specific answer to it. Perhaps, those who experienced several blows of mental and emotional challenges in life developed stronger hearts and wise insights. They learned that the path to overcome anything, especially a feeling of grief, is to walk barefooted through the fire to put an end to it. Though I know, some people who can naturally manage pains and aches even without any past turbulent experience.
Grief is a natural emotional response we feel when something or an object of our affection is taken away from us. Though nowadays, it is mostly associated to the death of a loved one, it can also be experienced by those going through an emotional event like divorce, loss of job, illness, retirement, miscarriage, and many more. The more significant your loss, the more intense the grief will be felt.
To come to terms with your grief, first you need to acknowledge your unsettling emotion or deep sadness. Next, recognize that what you are going through is temporary and it can be healed – if you choose so. Some people get stuck in the sorrowful trap of grievance, feeling guilty about something they haven’t done or said to the dead dear one, falling into depression. Do not be one of them – forgive yourself and understand that healing takes time, be patient. If you think you cannot do it alone, seek for a support group who went through the same case or a trusted optimistic friend who can give you a cheerful advice or better yet, look for a professional life coach – to guide you through your ordeal.
Another thing, take care of yourself. You need a sound mind, body and spirit to emerge as a champion to avoid wounding yourself from the sharp blades of life. Eat healthy, engage in a fitness activity, sleep sufficiently, enjoy the rays of the morning sun, take vitamin C, B-Complex, minerals like Selenium, Magnesium and Zinc, pop a Melatonin before bedtime or drink a glass of warm milk, and surround yourself with happy people.
Lastly, but the most important, allot a sacred space to quiet your mind, through meditation. If prayers sustain your spiritual force, comfort and give you peace, set aside time for it.
Those we love never truly leave us. There are things that even death cannot touch — Jack Thome.