It was an intense afternoon. The English professor was late. Inside the room was hot since there was a brown-out. The students were restless.
All of a sudden, the professor arrived. He immediately wrote these words on the board: “Woman without her man is a beast.” Facing the students, he told to punctuate it correctly.
Five minutes later, the students passed their papers. The professor, to his surprise, found that the males looked at it one way and the females another. The males wrote: “Woman, without her man, is a beast!” The females penned these words: “Woman! Without her, man is a beast.”
This brings us to subject of the battle of sexes. Man has different view from that of a woman. For instance, a man will pay 100 pesos for a 50-peso item he wants. A woman, on the other hand, will pay 50 pesos for a 100-peso item that she doesn’t want.
Someone quipped: “Woman, to be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. Man, to be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.”
God created man from the ground (Genesis 2:7) but Eve was formed out of a man. The Bible states: “While he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh.
Then the Lord God made a woman… and He brought her to the man.” When Adam saw Eve (those were Hebrew words for man and woman), he was quoted as saying, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she has be called woman for she was taken out of man” (Genesis 2:21-23).
Friedrich Nietzsche remarked, “Woman was God’s second mistake.” Mary Crowley thinks otherwise. God made man first. Then, He stepped back, looked him over, and said, “I can do better than that.”
And so He made a woman. An unknown author said, “Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.”
Women love to be pampered. Robert P. Joyce knows this well: “Tell a woman, ‘You have a face that would stop a clock’ and you have made an enemy. But tell her, ‘When I look upon your face, time stands still’ and you have made a friend for life.”
Here are some quotable quotes from men. “Mental hospitals have more men than women,” one wondered.
“Who do you suppose put them there?” Another observed, “Some women, when they quarrel, become hysterical, while others become historical – they dig up the past.”
Never ask a woman about her age. At one time, a woman applicant was flabbergasted when, while filling out a questionnaire, it included a query, “Age.” She immediately wrote: “Nuclear.”
Thomas Chandler Haliburton once commented: “Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right – instantly.” George Eliot has this idea: “I should like to know what is the proper function of women, if it is not to make reasons for husband to stay at home, and still stronger reasons for single men to go out.”
A French psychoanalyst has said, “My women patients can be divided into two categories: the ones who work and the one who stay at home. The former suffer from a guilt complex, the latter from frustration.”
Women’s Liberation has come a long, long way. Women want to be treated equally like men.
Last Saturday, I was attending a ceremony where the minister looked at the couple and solemnly pronounced them person and person.
Fulton J. Sheen shared this anecdote: “Recently, on the subway, I got up and gave my seat to a lady who was holding onto a strap. She was rather surprised and said, ‘Why did you do that?’ Seeing that she was incapable of understanding a spiritual reason, I said to her, ‘Madam, I tell you, ever since I was a little boy, I have had an infinite respect for a woman with a strap in her hand.’”
An English teacher, who was explaining to her class that women live longer on the average than men, asked if anyone could tell her the reason. An 11-year-old boy stood up and answered: “Well, they don’t have wives.”
This brings us to the subject of marriage. Socrates urges: “By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
Not bad, huh? Warren Farrell comments, “When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.”
So, who thinks there is life after the wedding? “After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together,” says Hemant Joshi. Patrick Murray notes, “I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.”
This reminds me of the story of a man who inserted an advertisement in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” The following day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
Never insult a woman – unless if you are British statesman Winston Churchill. At a dinner party, there was a heated exchange between Churchill and a female visitor. At the end of the argument, the lady said scornfully.
“Mr. Churchill, you are drunk.”
“And you, madam,” replied Churchill, “are ugly. But I shall be sober tomorrow.”
By the way, in all arguments, the woman has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
