The cross we all carry

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    In this journey in Life, we all have our own cross to carry on our backs. I have been carrying one for almost five years now that I can’t get rid off. It’s been five years now since my wife passed away and seems I can’t move on. It’s called depression, the first cousin of loneliness.

    The thought of my wife leaving me so suddenly drags me down to ground zero and can’t move further. I feel so handicapped and bitter when I can’t move on in life. I have tried so hard to find friends who can help me out.

    Thank heavens, indeed I have found very few new genuine friends since. Unfortunately, they are busy with their lives, family, livelihood or entangled in the cobweb of life too. Some of my old friends are still there, though far and wide, but are always there to appease me, console and empathize with me. Life is not fair. Why can’t I find someone to share the rest of my life and enjoy life like I used to. Almost every night, this bitter thought is what lies on the back of my head as I lay myself to sleep. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep but I won’t say that because people think you become less of a man when you cry! Duh!

    Last night, I woke up past midnight. From the light coming from the window I saw someone very unusual or should I say…weird at the foot of my bed. At first, it scared me when I recognize the face and looks very familiar.

    Then I still thought I was just dreaming. He noticed my slight movement and started to talk to me for real.

    “I’m sorry if I woke you up. Do you know Who am I?”

    I definitely said…”Yes indeed, you look very familiar. You look a lot better without that crown of thorns on your head or than the bloody guy that is nailed to the cross. In fact you are my idol. I am one of your die-hard followers. Sometimes I doubt your existence just like one your apostles whom we named the “doubting Thomas.” Can you blame me?”

    He replied. ”I know, you are one of my followers though you have not been to church at all for decades. That’s fine. There are a lot like you that are “doubting Thomases.” By the way, how come your bible is all covered with dust. I just happened to see it at the top book shelf along with your back old issues of Playboy magazines collection! Looks like you have not read it at all for ages since you left the seminary.”

    Without asking, He boldly turns on my bedroom light and goes to my desk and asked…”Hmmm, is this what they call computer nowadays. Can I Google the Bible and see the status and what it says. By the way, do people still know and recognize me?”

    I replied…

    ”Go ahead. Yeah, people still recognize you. In fact, very often they post your pictures on Facebook and I don’t know if they are selfie’s – but more often, people just ignore them. But I know that does not really matter to you. By the way what made you stopped by.”

    I can tell I was talking to Someone who knew it all but I must as well tell Him what I really feel and complain. “You know, the cross you gave me is just so heavy, it is twice my body weight!” He instantly replied…

    “Good you ask, that is the reason why I stopped by. Let me break this down for you, my son. I hear your complaints about me taking your wife from you. I did that because she did carry a lot already. You know well her medical problems were too complicated. You would not like it at all the kind and quality of life she would have to live if I let her survive. That you would not like yourself and have complained forever.”

    He kept going before I can say a word.

    “Another thing, you complained that I have not given you a set of good and honest friends or another partner in life since your wife passed away to fill that vacuum of loneliness. When you met and found your wife, you did it all on your own. Didn’t you? I did not help you then. Sorry I am not into mix-matching couples or friends. I am not too good at that. It’s too personal. Of course, there are a lot of people who take advantage of people, use you and abuse you. They are on OJT (on-the-job training) and that is their roles in life for people to learn from. I am pretty sure by now you’ve learned a lot from your experiences – who to trust and not!

    Look son, you have reached the age of 65 years old, with a clean bill of health compared to others… no major illness; never been confined in a hospital; never had any surgery and physically fit for your age. That is a great blessing! You are one lucky creation of my Father.

    There are a lot of people who have died a lot younger than your age; some people have terminal illness and physical defects; some suffer tremendous pain every day and aches almost every part of their body and don’t complain; some are born blind and never saw the beauty of this earth while you still do…and still are complaining. Just for that I will increase the weight of the cross you carry by 200 pounds more.

    Another thing, you got a nice decent home, lives on a good retirement nest, eat three meals a day, been to places too half way around the world, and enjoy the night life. You know there are a lot of people who don’t even have a home, they sleep under the bridges and on the streets; some have to dig trash cans for leftover food to eat or beg to have a meal. You know what I am talking about. You’ve seen them a few times at night on your way home. One night, I played the role of an old man digging empty plastic bottles in a garbage can with raggedy clothes on. I remember I caught your attention and you gave me money more than what I needed for my meal. At first I thought you were crazy because you were the only person who gave me that much. You should do that more often but be very selective. Share your blessings, my son!

    A lot of kids would like to go to school but can’t afford it; there are families that sleep hungry because there is no food on their dining table. I see your computer, cell phone and stereo system are cheap and out moded. You don’t even have a flat screen TV. I will give you a plus for that. I see too you have a long drive way but don’t have a car parked on it. I will give you a break for not living a life of luxury. I will give you 150 pounds more instead of 300 for your cross to carry.

    You will be able to carry this cross. I won’t give you something that you can’t carry. At the end of your journey, remind me that you have carried this long heavy cross. It will serve as a ladder for you to get closer to me. Along the way, if someone complains too much of the cross they carry, I will trade your cross with them. I will inform and send you a personal mail on Facebook. This promise I will keep. Fair enough?

    Sometimes, you have to appreciate the things that you have in life – not for the things you like to have. How can I give you more…when you take things for granted of the blessings you now have.

    Be thankful! Appreciate what you have. Are you still there, son? You have been quiet for a while. Did I hit a good spot. I guess you got the point. Thanks for letting me in your life. Share this on Facebook will you?.”

    He turns off my bedroom light and disappears in the darkness of the night with his parting words…

    “Son, be positive and enjoy the rest of your wonderful journey…it’s your Life!”

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