Zing.
If there is one new word that couples must add to their valentine’s day vocabularies, this is it – Zing. It’s spelled with a capital “Z”, not an “S”, as it doesn’t have anything to do with harmony or sweet music. On the contrary, it’s synonymous to a subtle verbal attack by a man against his partner and vice-versa. Distressingly, it has become a commonplace phenomenon.
I came across the word recently as I was reading an article in the “O” Magazine, and it made me think about how I’ve been unconsciously taking swipes at my wife, Liza, in front of people.
A “Zinger,” as explained by Jancee Dunn, a Contributing Editor of Rolling Stone Magazine, is a clever comment that flies back and forth between couples, usually in front of a crowd. It’s meant to be a funny remark, but it’s actually a blurt that hurts.
Intriguingly, “Zinging” usually happens between two couples who are openly affectionate to each other – the hand-holders, the ones who sentimentally proclaim to the world that they are the best of friends — but couldn’t resist sticking it to each other once in a while.
Here is one good example of “Zinging”:
Wife (speaking in front of friends): I just love our newborn baby. I don’t mind the difficulties, like no sleep.
Husband: Or no sex.
(The crowd laughs.)
Wife: Oh yeah? How about sex on the internet? I saw 100 pornographic websites you’ve visited lately.
(Crowd freezes, smiling awkwardly, until someone timely changes the subject.)
Psychologists specializing in couples counseling say that a “Zing” against a spouse is actually an unexpressed resentment that just pops out. Others call it “Billboarding” because it happens when one spouse announces a grievance in the open to get the other’s attention. A classic case is when the wife tells the husband to press the toothpaste from the bottom-up, but the husband continues to use the toothpaste anyway he likes. Before you know it, the wife brings up the topic in public, to everyone’s horror.
Sometimes it’s a case of a power struggle between the husband and the wife. Take this other case for instance:
Wife (in the midst of close friends): “For all intensive purposes…”
Husband: “What did you just say? Hello! The phrase is ‘for all intents and purposes.’ “
(Throughout the evening, the husband kept on dropping the phrase “for all intensive purposes” into the conversation.)
When asked about it at a later time, the husband justified his remark by explaining that he considered the members of the group as his close friends with whom he can show the real relationship he had with his wife. Apparently, in his mind, his taking a dig at his wife was a sign of his closeness with his friends. What the husband did not realize was that he exposed a sort of a wrestling-for-power relationship, wherein the husband made himself feel large by reducing his wife.
New York psychologist, Dr. Elyse Goldstein, says: “Sometimes people see their mate as a kind of sibling and the audience as a parent. So they are vying for attention by showing the other person up.”
Here are some more public statements you may be able to identify with:
“You think my husband is gentle? You should hear his ear-piercing snores at night…”
“What did you say? My wife looks young? Let’s see if it won’t take you two days to remove the make-up cast on her face…”
“My wife’s figure used to be like a Coke bottle. Now that Coke in cans is the in thing…”
“Are we talking about boobs or insect bites?”
“Aloe Vera used to keep our garden lush and green, until my husband started using it on his balding spots.”
The problem of “Zinging” does not end with husbands and wives. The friends who are witnesses to the couple’s sniping do not have an idea how to regroup after a hideous silence. For instance, if you are part of the group that heard that “aloe vera” joke, what will you say? Will the remark “At least you still have hair on your legs!” be of any help? Or how about this: “Good for you because you can save on shampoo!”
Counselors advise that it is best to change the topic. If the “Zinging” happens over dinner, you may say, “Anyone who wants a second serving?” Or you can throw the more familiar question: “How about another round of beer?”
As to “Zinging” couples, here’s what marriage counselors have to say: Before you blurt out a cutting remark, try to step outside of yourself. Then, examine your motive: Do you want to sound funny, or are you just trying to get your spouse’s attention? Are you showing how comfortable you are with your mate, or are you just mad about something he did or said?
Great advice.
If I only learned of these things earlier, I could have avoided “zinging” my wife countless times in the past.
Here’s a familiar landscape. Whenever people find out that Liza hails from Cavite, the next question that inevitably crops up from the audience is: “So how did Liza learn to speak Kapampangan?” In these instances, I always jump the gun on Liza and answer the query in a funny way: “Well, when Liza learned that I was a Kapampangan, she found creative ways to learn the dialect so that she can pursue me all the way to marriage.”
Zing!
Gracious Lord! What was I telling people? That I was every woman’s fantasy? Geez, just look at my aloe vera-hungry forehead and my big front teeth that beats Bugs Bunny’s, and you’ll know how delusional I am.
“Liza found creative ways to learn the dialect so that she can pursue me all the way to marriage.” Not funny at all. That was “Zinging” plain and simple, because I made myself look good at Liza’s expense.
Time for me to cut it out.
In the first place, you wouldn’t believe that it was Liza who pursued me, would you?
Guess who ended up looking good.
Quote for the week:
Husbands, love your wives
and do not be harsh with them.
(Colossians 3:19, NIV)
If there is one new word that couples must add to their valentine’s day vocabularies, this is it – Zing. It’s spelled with a capital “Z”, not an “S”, as it doesn’t have anything to do with harmony or sweet music. On the contrary, it’s synonymous to a subtle verbal attack by a man against his partner and vice-versa. Distressingly, it has become a commonplace phenomenon.
I came across the word recently as I was reading an article in the “O” Magazine, and it made me think about how I’ve been unconsciously taking swipes at my wife, Liza, in front of people.
A “Zinger,” as explained by Jancee Dunn, a Contributing Editor of Rolling Stone Magazine, is a clever comment that flies back and forth between couples, usually in front of a crowd. It’s meant to be a funny remark, but it’s actually a blurt that hurts.
Intriguingly, “Zinging” usually happens between two couples who are openly affectionate to each other – the hand-holders, the ones who sentimentally proclaim to the world that they are the best of friends — but couldn’t resist sticking it to each other once in a while.
Here is one good example of “Zinging”:
Wife (speaking in front of friends): I just love our newborn baby. I don’t mind the difficulties, like no sleep.
Husband: Or no sex.
(The crowd laughs.)
Wife: Oh yeah? How about sex on the internet? I saw 100 pornographic websites you’ve visited lately.
(Crowd freezes, smiling awkwardly, until someone timely changes the subject.)
Psychologists specializing in couples counseling say that a “Zing” against a spouse is actually an unexpressed resentment that just pops out. Others call it “Billboarding” because it happens when one spouse announces a grievance in the open to get the other’s attention. A classic case is when the wife tells the husband to press the toothpaste from the bottom-up, but the husband continues to use the toothpaste anyway he likes. Before you know it, the wife brings up the topic in public, to everyone’s horror.
Sometimes it’s a case of a power struggle between the husband and the wife. Take this other case for instance:
Wife (in the midst of close friends): “For all intensive purposes…”
Husband: “What did you just say? Hello! The phrase is ‘for all intents and purposes.’ “
(Throughout the evening, the husband kept on dropping the phrase “for all intensive purposes” into the conversation.)
When asked about it at a later time, the husband justified his remark by explaining that he considered the members of the group as his close friends with whom he can show the real relationship he had with his wife. Apparently, in his mind, his taking a dig at his wife was a sign of his closeness with his friends. What the husband did not realize was that he exposed a sort of a wrestling-for-power relationship, wherein the husband made himself feel large by reducing his wife.
New York psychologist, Dr. Elyse Goldstein, says: “Sometimes people see their mate as a kind of sibling and the audience as a parent. So they are vying for attention by showing the other person up.”
Here are some more public statements you may be able to identify with:
“You think my husband is gentle? You should hear his ear-piercing snores at night…”
“What did you say? My wife looks young? Let’s see if it won’t take you two days to remove the make-up cast on her face…”
“My wife’s figure used to be like a Coke bottle. Now that Coke in cans is the in thing…”
“Are we talking about boobs or insect bites?”
“Aloe Vera used to keep our garden lush and green, until my husband started using it on his balding spots.”
The problem of “Zinging” does not end with husbands and wives. The friends who are witnesses to the couple’s sniping do not have an idea how to regroup after a hideous silence. For instance, if you are part of the group that heard that “aloe vera” joke, what will you say? Will the remark “At least you still have hair on your legs!” be of any help? Or how about this: “Good for you because you can save on shampoo!”
Counselors advise that it is best to change the topic. If the “Zinging” happens over dinner, you may say, “Anyone who wants a second serving?” Or you can throw the more familiar question: “How about another round of beer?”
As to “Zinging” couples, here’s what marriage counselors have to say: Before you blurt out a cutting remark, try to step outside of yourself. Then, examine your motive: Do you want to sound funny, or are you just trying to get your spouse’s attention? Are you showing how comfortable you are with your mate, or are you just mad about something he did or said?
Great advice.
If I only learned of these things earlier, I could have avoided “zinging” my wife countless times in the past.
Here’s a familiar landscape. Whenever people find out that Liza hails from Cavite, the next question that inevitably crops up from the audience is: “So how did Liza learn to speak Kapampangan?” In these instances, I always jump the gun on Liza and answer the query in a funny way: “Well, when Liza learned that I was a Kapampangan, she found creative ways to learn the dialect so that she can pursue me all the way to marriage.”
Zing!
Gracious Lord! What was I telling people? That I was every woman’s fantasy? Geez, just look at my aloe vera-hungry forehead and my big front teeth that beats Bugs Bunny’s, and you’ll know how delusional I am.
“Liza found creative ways to learn the dialect so that she can pursue me all the way to marriage.” Not funny at all. That was “Zinging” plain and simple, because I made myself look good at Liza’s expense.
Time for me to cut it out.
In the first place, you wouldn’t believe that it was Liza who pursued me, would you?
Guess who ended up looking good.
Quote for the week:
Husbands, love your wives
and do not be harsh with them.
(Colossians 3:19, NIV)
