IF THE “misgendering” incident that transpired in a mall in Cebu City on July 21 were treated even with just a pinch of genuine kindness, it would not have escalated into another viral issue that has spawned a litany of banters, opinions, comments, and yes, even memes.
On one side, you see the plight of the LGBTQIA+ community that continues to fight against discrimination and work for a more gender-sensitive and inclusive society. Despite what has been said against Jude Bacalso and the way she handled the situation, let us not invalidate the plight of this community that has been marginalized for so long.
Then on the other side, you can sense the steadily growing call for all people to be kinder, more considerate and respectful of other people’s inability or even unpreparedness to comprehend and embrace everything that the LGBTQIA+ community stands and fights for. One social media post sums it all up – that simple incident could have been one perfect “educating” moment for the clueless waiter.
Unfortunately, it generated attention for all the wrong reasons simply because Bacalso felt the desire to assert her rights, berate the waiter for what was clearly an honest “mistake” and demand respect by being addressed “Ma’am.” She could have opted to be the bigger person in this episode by simply and calmly correcting the waiter, and in the process, earn the respect not just for herself but for the entire LGBTQIA+ community.
On a side note, this incident is no different from the propensity of a few doctorate degree holders in the academic community who relish being addressed “Doctor” whenever introduced in a program, or called on stage to deliver a message, or whenever they are addressed by their subordinates and guests in the confines of their offices. There was this gathering that I attended when the host acknowledged the presence of the VIPs in the audience. Someone must have called the attention of the host because later in the program, the host had to apologize profusely to one VIP who was “wrongly” introduced as “Ma’am VIP” instead of “Dr. VIP.” While I understand that these are titles that were earned after years of academic studies, I also believe that one who is very assured of her worth as a professional will never make a mountain out of a molehill of an oversight.
I remember a similar incident during my first semester of teaching Economics at the University of the Philippines in San Fernando. One day, our dean called me into her office and asked me if I did not feel insulted whenever my students would call me “Mama.” I knew and felt that our dear dean was only concerned about me and did not, even for an instance, doubt my ability to handle my classes. Well, I simply said no, and assured her that my familiarity with my students would never get in the way of my teaching profession. The lines and boundaries were distinctly clear – I was their teacher inside the classroom, and I was everybody’s Mama outside.
I have been called and addressed differently since then – Boss, Manager, Sir, Teacher, Coach, Principal and now, School Director. While I am thankful that these titles speak of my journey as a professional and they carry with them both a sense of honor and responsibility, nothing compares to being called Tito, Apu, Ms. Y., Ms. Lea, and Mama by people who know and appreciate me personally but at the same time, respect me, celebrate my little triumphs and acknowledge the many struggles I continue to go through just to be where I am today.
During the first faculty meeting of the school year where we get to meet the new members of our community many of whom are fresh college graduates, I always remind them of one important thing. The titles, and even those letters that come before and after the names of people do not define a person at all. At the same time, the absence of those titles and letters does not in any way limit what they can do and accomplish in the lives of their learners. It’s true, we should always aspire for personal and professional advancement. But let us never forget that in this world where we can always be anyone and anything, let us all be kind.
