Now that all are hooked on Justice Corona Impeachment Trial, I find it time to share these things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts:
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS : He said , ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS : My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS : I forget..
ATTORNEY : You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY : Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY : The youngest son , the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS : He’s 20 , much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS : Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY : So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS : Getting laid
(Another favorite)
ATTORNEY : She had three children , right?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : How many were boys?
WITNESS : None.
ATTORNEY : Were there any girls?
WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS : By death..
ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS : Take a guess.
ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS : Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS : No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY : What gear were you in when the accident occurred?
WITNESS : I was wearing a Fila sweatsuit.
ATTORNEY : Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS : All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY : ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS : Oral.
ATTORNEY : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS : If not , he was by the time I finished.
And last:
ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY : I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Wait for my next column. I shall publish portions of the impeachment trial that would make us laugh, think, grin, and shake our heads in disbelief.
