With the present carnival which is the Election Campaign, I want to share these courtroom jokes that have the semblance of reality.
Lawyer (to his witness): When the accused was raping you, did you shouted?
Judge: Counsel, “shout”.
Lawyer: When the accused was raping you, did you shouted? (in louder voice)
Judge: Counsel, “shout”.
Lawyer: (in even louder voice) When the accused was raping you, did you shouted?
Judge: Counsel, I said “shout”!
Lawyer (to Judge): Your, Honor, I am already shouted!
Interpreter (to the witness): Raise your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth in this proceeding?
Witness: (raising his left hand) Yes, I do.
Judge (scolding the witness): Witness, you raise your right hand and not your left.
Witness: (scolding the judge) Your, Honor, I do not have my right arm. Did you not read the complaint? I am charging the accused with frustrated murder for cutting my right arm.
Judge (to lawyer): What is your proof that your client is a male person and not a female?
Lawyer: Your, Honor, we will be presenting his genital as our Exhibit “T” and his balls as our Exhibit “T-1”.
Judge: That is not a conclusive proof, counsel. What if petitioner is a transsexual?
Lawyer: Your, Honor, in that case, I will show that petitioner’s penis has the capability to grow bigger and erect when touched, thus discounting any mechanical representation.
Judge: And who will do the touching?
Lawyer: (Looking at the Fiscal) Maybe she can do that, your Honor, considering that she represents the State.
Fiscal: Your, Honor (reacting as if she would object)…., in that case, may I move for the exclusion of the public from this courtroom (looking to the petitioner with gusto).
Judge (interviewing an applicant for Court Interpreter): What is your educational attainment?
Applicant: I was graduate in college tooking up Education.
Judge: Did you finish your course?
Applicant: Of course, judge, I was graduated.
Lawyer (to witness): What happened next when you saw the vehicle coming?
Interpreter (to the witness): Ano ang sumunod na nangyari nang makita mo ang paparating na sasakyan?
Witness: Hindi na po ako nakaiwas. Nasagasaan po ang aking paa.
Interpreter: I was no longer able to escape. My foot was dilapidated.
Interpreter: Your, Honor, after reading the Information to the accused in a language understood by him, he pleaded not guilty to the offense charged.
Judge: Order. After the Information was read to the accused in a language known to him, and with the assistance of his counsel, Atty. __________, the accused pleaded NOT GUILTY. Set the….
Complainant: (interrupting the Order of the Judge). It’s unfair Judge! Wala pang trial bakit NOT GUILTY na agad yang p…ina yan! You are unfair!
Lawyer (to his witness): When the accused was raping you, did you shouted?
Judge: Counsel, “shout”.
Lawyer: When the accused was raping you, did you shouted? (in louder voice)
Judge: Counsel, “shout”.
Lawyer: (in even louder voice) When the accused was raping you, did you shouted?
Judge: Counsel, I said “shout”!
Lawyer (to Judge): Your, Honor, I am already shouted!
Interpreter (to the witness): Raise your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth in this proceeding?
Witness: (raising his left hand) Yes, I do.
Judge (scolding the witness): Witness, you raise your right hand and not your left.
Witness: (scolding the judge) Your, Honor, I do not have my right arm. Did you not read the complaint? I am charging the accused with frustrated murder for cutting my right arm.
Judge (to lawyer): What is your proof that your client is a male person and not a female?
Lawyer: Your, Honor, we will be presenting his genital as our Exhibit “T” and his balls as our Exhibit “T-1”.
Judge: That is not a conclusive proof, counsel. What if petitioner is a transsexual?
Lawyer: Your, Honor, in that case, I will show that petitioner’s penis has the capability to grow bigger and erect when touched, thus discounting any mechanical representation.
Judge: And who will do the touching?
Lawyer: (Looking at the Fiscal) Maybe she can do that, your Honor, considering that she represents the State.
Fiscal: Your, Honor (reacting as if she would object)…., in that case, may I move for the exclusion of the public from this courtroom (looking to the petitioner with gusto).
Judge (interviewing an applicant for Court Interpreter): What is your educational attainment?
Applicant: I was graduate in college tooking up Education.
Judge: Did you finish your course?
Applicant: Of course, judge, I was graduated.
Lawyer (to witness): What happened next when you saw the vehicle coming?
Interpreter (to the witness): Ano ang sumunod na nangyari nang makita mo ang paparating na sasakyan?
Witness: Hindi na po ako nakaiwas. Nasagasaan po ang aking paa.
Interpreter: I was no longer able to escape. My foot was dilapidated.
Interpreter: Your, Honor, after reading the Information to the accused in a language understood by him, he pleaded not guilty to the offense charged.
Judge: Order. After the Information was read to the accused in a language known to him, and with the assistance of his counsel, Atty. __________, the accused pleaded NOT GUILTY. Set the….
Complainant: (interrupting the Order of the Judge). It’s unfair Judge! Wala pang trial bakit NOT GUILTY na agad yang p…ina yan! You are unfair!
